Things Satan Taught Me
The Lore
Every design begins as the kind of wholesome storybook illustration that once taught children to share, obey and fear the dark.
Sweet 1970s linework. Warm, reassuring colour. The sort of picture that hung in a Sunday-school classroom and meant well.
We kept the pictures.We rewrote the lessons.
Wholesome picture. Unholy caption. That’s the whole religion.
The garments
What we actually make
Premium vintage-occult apparel for people who read the caption twice and smiled the second time.
Genuinely charming illustrations. Deeply questionable advice. Printed one garment at a time, so nothing exists until someone is willing to answer for it.
- Four cuts on proper blanks: Bella+Canvas 3001 and 6400 tees, Next Level 1533 racerbacks and garment-dyed Comfort Colors 9360 tanks.
- Printed to order, DTG or DTF, one garment at a time.
- Printed and dispatched in 2–5 business days.
- Shipped across the US and Canada. Free over US$65 in the US and US$90 in Canada.
The curriculum
The Six Sins
Six collections. Six different ways to disappoint your mother.
Petty Little SinsShop the sin →
Money & Bad DecisionsShop the sin →
Toxic LoveShop the sin →
Not Safe for GrandmaShop the sin →
Family MattersShop the sin →
Death & Darker ArtsShop the sin →Choose your vice accordingly.
A note on taste
It’s satire.
We make fun of the impulse everyone has and no one admits to: the petty one, the spiteful one, the selfish one, the one you’d never say out loud at Thanksgiving.
Then we print it on very soft cotton so you can.
Blame Satan. Keep the shirt.
Shop all 49 lessons