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Every Sermon. One Altar.

Call Me Daddy $46.66 Unisex Tee

Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Get Another Bag Women's Tee in black

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Let's Call Your Guy Women's Tee in black

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You Should Probably Leave Now Women's Tee in black

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Treat Them Like Dirt Women's Tee in black

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Single Mothers Are The Best Women's Tee in black

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Sharing Is For Cowards Women's Tee in black

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Regret Is A Wasted Emotion Women's Tee in black

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My Dad Never Hugged Me Women's Tee in black

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Let's Be Passive Aggressive Women's Tee in black

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Let's Weaponize Silence Women's Tee in black

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Let's Waste His Time Women's Tee in black

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Let's Try Necromancy Women's Tee in black

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Let's Talk To Grampa Women's Tee in black

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Let's Start A Rumor Women's Tee in black

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Let's Sniff Counters Women's Tee in black

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Let's Ruin Christmas Women's Tee in black

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Let's Regret Parenthood Women's Tee in black

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Unisex Wife Beater Racerback

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Unisex Wife Beater Racerback

Let's Play Adult Games Women's Tee in black

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Unisex Wife Beater Racerback

Let's Paint Your Face Women's Tee in black

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Let's Make This About Me Women's Tee in black

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Let's Judge Our Neighbors Women's Tee in black

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I'd Love To See Your Button Women's Tee in black

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Honesty Is Overrated Women's Tee in black

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Have You Thought About Not Talking artwork

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Guilt Is A Wasted Emotion Women's Tee in black

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Regret Is A Wasted Emotion Wife Beater in black

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My Dad Never Hugged Me Wife Beater in black

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Let's Weaponize Silence Wife Beater in black

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Let's Talk To Grampa Wife Beater in black

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Let's Judge Our Neighbors Wife Beater in black

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Let's Bring Up The Past Wife Beater in black

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Honesty Is Overrated Wife Beater in black

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Have You Thought About Not Talking Wife Beater in black

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Guilt Is A Wasted Emotion Wife Beater in black

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Have You Thought About Not Talking Racerback Tank in black

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Sharing Is For Cowards Racerback Tank in black

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Honesty Is Overrated Racerback Tank in black

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Regret Is A Wasted Emotion Racerback Tank in black

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Guilt Is A Wasted Emotion Racerback Tank in black

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Unisex Wife Beater Women's

Let's Be Friends $46.66 Women's Tee

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Let's Be Passive Aggressive Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Bring Up The Past Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Call You An Uber Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Do Lines Together Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Get Another Bag Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Hit Rock Bottom Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Ignore Boundaries Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Ignore Red Flags Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Judge Our Neighbors Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Learn About Immigration Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Make Bad Decisions Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Make Dad Proud No. 2 Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Make This About Me Unisex Tee in black

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Let's Mix And Match $46.66 Unisex Tee

Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Normalize Bad Decisions Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Overthink This Unisex Tee in black

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You're Talented, Let's Monetize That Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Paint Your Face Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Play Adult Games Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Play Doctor $46.66 Unisex Tee

Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Regret Parenthood Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Ruin Christmas Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Secure That Will Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Send Mixed Signals Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Sniff Counters Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Start A Rumor $46.66 Unisex Tee

Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Talk To Grampa Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Try Necromancy Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Waste His Time Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Weaponize Silence Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

My Dad Never Hugged Me Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Single Mothers Are The Best Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Treat Them Like Dirt Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Let's Make Dad Proud Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Faces Can't Get Pregnant Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

You Can Leave Now $46.66 Unisex Tee

Wife Beater Racerback Women's

You Should Probably Leave Now Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

You're My Favourite Object Unisex Tee in black

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Wife Beater Racerback Women's

I'd Love To See Your Button Unisex Tee in black

I'd Love To See Your Button $46.66 Unisex Tee

Wife Beater Racerback Women's

Sharing Is For Cowards Unisex Tee in black

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Racerback Wife Beater Women's

Have You Thought About Not Talking Unisex Tee in black

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Racerback Wife Beater Women's

Honesty Is Overrated Unisex Tee in black

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Racerback Wife Beater Women's

Regret Is A Wasted Emotion Unisex Tee in black

Regret Is A Wasted Emotion $46.66 Unisex Tee

Racerback Wife Beater Women's

Guilt Is A Wasted Emotion Unisex Tee in black

Guilt Is A Wasted Emotion $46.66 Unisex Tee

Racerback Wife Beater Women's

About All Designs

Every Sermon. One Altar.

Forty-nine designs, each a sweet 1970s storybook page hiding a lesson straight from the pit: grudges served cold, rumors planted, relatives raised from the dead, consciences bound and gagged. The full congregation of occult dark humor shirts, from mildly petty to excommunication-worthy.

Every design comes as a unisex tee, women's tee, racerback tank and wife beater, printed to order for the US and Canada. Wholesome art. Unholy advice.

Every Things Satan Taught Me design pairs a warm 1970s storybook illustration with advice your guardian angel would beg you to ignore. Each piece is printed to order for you, then shipped with tracking to the United States and Canada.

How do the cuts fit?

The Unisex Tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) is a modern retail fit. The Women's Tee (Bella+Canvas 6400) is a relaxed women's cut. The Racerback Tank (Next Level 1533) is slim. The Wife Beater (Comfort Colors 9360) is relaxed and garment-dyed. Measurements for every size are in the size guide.

How long does shipping take?

Printing takes 2–5 business days, then about 2–5 business days to the US or 10–30 business days to Canada. US orders of $65+ and Canadian orders of US$90+ ship free. Shipping policy.

Can I return it?

Everything is made to order, so we can't take returns for change of mind or size. If it arrives damaged, defective or wrong, we replace or refund it. Refund policy.

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