Let's Call You An Uber
“Chivalry is four minutes away.”
Summoned to order in 2–5 business days · Tracked delivery to the US & Canada
Unholy Pair 10% off 2 · Unholy Trinity 20% off 3+ · applied automatically, no incantation required
Lights low. Exit strategy lower.
A lamplit bedroom, two red cups on the nightstand, and a young man already confirming the pickup while she's still sitting on the bed. Tender. Wholesome. Four minutes out.
The Prince of Lies teaches that lingering is for the weak and breakfast is a trap set by the righteous. Complete the rite, summon the chariot, tip the driver like a gentleman. Some call it cold. The congregation calls it closure with a licence plate.
For those who have perfected the goodbye, the exit and the five-star rating, in that order.
The vessel · Wife BeaterSleeveless, garment-dyed and entirely unrepentant. For men who confess nothing, grill anyway, and let the art do the talking at the family reunion.
Fit & fabricthe vessel
Relaxed fit. Size down for a closer cut. Garment-dyed, so each piece varies slightly in colour.
- 100% ring-spun US cotton
- Medium-weight 6.1 oz/yd²
- Garment-dyed for a soft, lived-in colour
- Tubular knit (no side seams), self-fabric binding
- Blank: Comfort Colors 9360. Printed to order, direct-to-garment or direct-to-film depending on the print partner.
Size chartmeasure twice, sin once
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 16.541.9 | 17.544.5 | 19.549.5 | 21.254.0 | 23.058.4 | 25.063.5 | 27.068.6 |
| Body length | 25.364.1 | 26.667.6 | 28.071.1 | 29.474.6 | 30.878.1 | 31.680.3 | 32.582.5 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
Delivery & returnsforgiveness sold separately
| To | Cost | Arrives |
|---|---|---|
| United States | US$4.95 · free on $65+ | 2–5 business days after printing |
| Canada | US$9.95 (shown in CAD) · free on US$90+ | 10–30 business days after printing |
Printing takes 2–5 business days. Nothing is made until you order it, so there are no returns for a change of heart or size. Forgiveness sold separately. Damaged, defective or wrong? Tell us within 30 days of delivery and we'll replace or refund it. Refund policy · Shipping policy
Careaftercare rites
- Machine wash cold (max 30°C / 90°F)
- Non-chlorine bleach only, as needed
- Tumble dry low
- Iron, steam or dry on low heat
- Do not dry-clean
Blame Satan. Keep the shirt.
Wear it, tag it: #SatanMadeMeBuyItSame sin, different lesson · Wear your sins
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Size & fit
Measure twice. Sin once. Printed-to-order means no size swaps.
Wife Beater · Comfort Colors 9360
Relaxed fit. Size down for a closer cut. Garment-dyed, so each piece varies slightly in colour.
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 16.541.9 | 17.544.5 | 19.549.5 | 21.254.0 | 23.058.4 | 25.063.5 | 27.068.6 |
| Body length | 25.364.1 | 26.667.6 | 28.071.1 | 29.474.6 | 30.878.1 | 31.680.3 | 32.582.5 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
How to measure: lay your best-fitting shirt flat and measure straight across the chest, 1 in below the armpits, then from the highest point of the shoulder to the hem. Compare with the table. All size guides
Wife Beater · Choose a size