You're Talented, Let's Monetize That
“Your joy, now with overheads.”
Summoned to order in 2–5 business days · Tracked delivery to the US & Canada
Unholy Pair 10% off 2 · Unholy Trinity 20% off 3+ · applied automatically, no incantation required
First the flattery. Then the contract.
A cheerful storybook portrait smiles in bright, hopeful colour, radiating the pure joy of someone who does a thing simply because they love it. How sweet. How temporary. Every innocent hobby looks exactly like this right before the paperwork arrives, signed in red.
The Dark Lord doesn't crush dreams; that's amateur work. He incorporates them. Takes a controlling interest. Turns your one pure joy into a fourth income stream you quietly resent by spring. Every gift is merely an asset awaiting its pact. Your soul is very talented, darling. Let's discuss margins.
For painters, bakers and knitters one compliment away from a very dark side hustle.
The vessel · Racerback TankShoulders out, conscience off. A slim racerback built for summer solstice, sweaty rituals and walking away from things without looking back.
Fit & fabricthe vessel
Slim fit with a racerback cut and scooped neckline. Between sizes? Size up.
- 60% combed ring-spun cotton, 40% polyester
- Extra-light 4 oz/yd² (135 g/m²)
- Side seams and self-fabric binding
- Tear-away label
- Blank: Next Level 1533. Printed to order, direct-to-garment or direct-to-film depending on the print partner.
Size chartmeasure twice, sin once
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 14.035.5 | 15.038.1 | 16.040.6 | 17.043.1 | 18.045.7 | 19.048.2 |
| Body length | 27.068.5 | 27.569.8 | 28.071.0 | 28.572.3 | 29.073.6 | 29.574.9 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
Delivery & returnsforgiveness sold separately
| To | Cost | Arrives |
|---|---|---|
| United States | US$4.95 · free on $65+ | 2–5 business days after printing |
| Canada | US$9.95 (shown in CAD) · free on US$90+ | 10–30 business days after printing |
Printing takes 2–5 business days. Nothing is made until you order it, so there are no returns for a change of heart or size. Forgiveness sold separately. Damaged, defective or wrong? Tell us within 30 days of delivery and we'll replace or refund it. Refund policy · Shipping policy
Careaftercare rites
- Machine wash cold (max 30°C / 90°F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry low
- Do not iron
- Do not dry-clean
Blame Satan. Keep the shirt.
Wear it, tag it: #SatanMadeMeBuyItSame sin, different lesson · Wear your sins
More Money & Bad Decisions
Lingering temptations
Recently viewed
Size & fit
Measure twice. Sin once. Printed-to-order means no size swaps.
Racerback Tank · Next Level 1533
Slim fit with a racerback cut and scooped neckline. Between sizes? Size up.
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 14.035.5 | 15.038.1 | 16.040.6 | 17.043.1 | 18.045.7 | 19.048.2 |
| Body length | 27.068.5 | 27.569.8 | 28.071.0 | 28.572.3 | 29.073.6 | 29.574.9 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
How to measure: lay your best-fitting shirt flat and measure straight across the chest, 1 in below the armpits, then from the highest point of the shoulder to the hem. Compare with the table. All size guides
Racerback Tank · Choose a size