Let's Regret Parenthood
“Unconditional love. Conditional patience.”
Summoned to order in 2–5 business days · Tracked delivery to the US & Canada
Unholy Pair 10% off 2 · Unholy Trinity 20% off 3+ · applied automatically, no incantation required
Say the forbidden prayer. Quietly.
A beaming storybook family sits together, smiles fixed, cheeks rosy, the whole portrait lettered in the cheeriest font hell could source. It is a greeting card for the one sentiment no greeting card will ever touch, and it knows exactly what it's doing.
Every exhausted parent has whispered it at 6 a.m., somewhere between the second spilled cereal and the fourth missing shoe. The Prince of Lies asks only that you say it once, out loud, and watch the whole school car park go silent. The love is real. So is the thought. Only one gets a greeting-card aisle.
For the sleep-deprived, the carpool-weary, and every parent who has hidden in the pantry for five minutes.
The vessel · Women's TeeCut for her. Blessed by no one. A relaxed women's fit for anyone who read the fine print, laughed, and signed anyway.
Fit & fabricthe vessel
Women's relaxed fit. Roomier than a fitted tee. Want it oversized? Size up, or choose the Unisex Tee.
- 100% cotton on solid colours (heathers include polyester)
- Lightweight 4.3 oz/yd²
- Seamless ribbed collar, double-needle hems
- Neck and shoulder twill tape
- Blank: Bella+Canvas 6400. Printed to order, direct-to-garment or direct-to-film depending on the print partner.
Size chartmeasure twice, sin once
| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 18.547.0 | 20.050.8 | 22.055.9 | 24.061.0 | 26.066.0 | 28.071.1 |
| Body length | 25.364.1 | 26.066.0 | 26.767.8 | 27.569.8 | 28.271.8 | 29.073.7 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
Delivery & returnsforgiveness sold separately
| To | Cost | Arrives |
|---|---|---|
| United States | US$4.95 · free on $65+ | 2–5 business days after printing |
| Canada | US$9.95 (shown in CAD) · free on US$90+ | 10–30 business days after printing |
Printing takes 2–5 business days. Nothing is made until you order it, so there are no returns for a change of heart or size. Forgiveness sold separately. Damaged, defective or wrong? Tell us within 30 days of delivery and we'll replace or refund it. Refund policy · Shipping policy
Careaftercare rites
- Machine wash cold (max 30°C / 90°F)
- Do not bleach
- Do not tumble dry
- Iron, steam or dry on low heat
- Do not dry-clean
Blame Satan. Keep the shirt.
Wear it, tag it: #SatanMadeMeBuyItSame sin, different lesson · Wear your sins
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Size & fit
Measure twice. Sin once. Printed-to-order means no size swaps.
Women's Tee · Bella+Canvas 6400
Women's relaxed fit. Roomier than a fitted tee. Want it oversized? Size up, or choose the Unisex Tee.
| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 18.547.0 | 20.050.8 | 22.055.9 | 24.061.0 | 26.066.0 | 28.071.1 |
| Body length | 25.364.1 | 26.066.0 | 26.767.8 | 27.569.8 | 28.271.8 | 29.073.7 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
How to measure: lay your best-fitting shirt flat and measure straight across the chest, 1 in below the armpits, then from the highest point of the shoulder to the hem. Compare with the table. All size guides
Women's Tee · Choose a size