Let's Make Dad Proud
“Horror counts as attention.”
Summoned to order in 2–5 business days · Tracked delivery to the US & Canada
Unholy Pair 10% off 2 · Unholy Trinity 20% off 3+ · applied automatically, no incantation required
Honour thy father. Horrify him instead.
A picture-book family beams from the page, everyone lit gold and glowing like a Sunday-school pamphlet about doing your chores. Somebody, clearly, has been good today. Somebody is about to be the favourite. The rest of us know exactly how long that lasts.
The unholy scripture is simple: every decision you ever make is a letter addressed to one man. Chase his approval or chase his horror; both count as devotion, and spite gets far better mileage than love. Become the cautionary tale he tells at barbecues. He's still talking about you. Pride, after all, is the Dark Lord's favourite sin.
For the child who gets mentioned at every family gathering, usually as a warning.
The vessel · Racerback TankShoulders out, conscience off. A slim racerback built for summer solstice, sweaty rituals and walking away from things without looking back.
Fit & fabricthe vessel
Slim fit with a racerback cut and scooped neckline. Between sizes? Size up.
- 60% combed ring-spun cotton, 40% polyester
- Extra-light 4 oz/yd² (135 g/m²)
- Side seams and self-fabric binding
- Tear-away label
- Blank: Next Level 1533. Printed to order, direct-to-garment or direct-to-film depending on the print partner.
Size chartmeasure twice, sin once
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 14.035.5 | 15.038.1 | 16.040.6 | 17.043.1 | 18.045.7 | 19.048.2 |
| Body length | 27.068.5 | 27.569.8 | 28.071.0 | 28.572.3 | 29.073.6 | 29.574.9 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
Delivery & returnsforgiveness sold separately
| To | Cost | Arrives |
|---|---|---|
| United States | US$4.95 · free on $65+ | 2–5 business days after printing |
| Canada | US$9.95 (shown in CAD) · free on US$90+ | 10–30 business days after printing |
Printing takes 2–5 business days. Nothing is made until you order it, so there are no returns for a change of heart or size. Forgiveness sold separately. Damaged, defective or wrong? Tell us within 30 days of delivery and we'll replace or refund it. Refund policy · Shipping policy
Careaftercare rites
- Machine wash cold (max 30°C / 90°F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry low
- Do not iron
- Do not dry-clean
Blame Satan. Keep the shirt.
Wear it, tag it: #SatanMadeMeBuyItSame sin, different lesson · Wear your sins
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Size & fit
Measure twice. Sin once. Printed-to-order means no size swaps.
Racerback Tank · Next Level 1533
Slim fit with a racerback cut and scooped neckline. Between sizes? Size up.
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 14.035.5 | 15.038.1 | 16.040.6 | 17.043.1 | 18.045.7 | 19.048.2 |
| Body length | 27.068.5 | 27.569.8 | 28.071.0 | 28.572.3 | 29.073.6 | 29.574.9 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
How to measure: lay your best-fitting shirt flat and measure straight across the chest, 1 in below the armpits, then from the highest point of the shoulder to the hem. Compare with the table. All size guides
Racerback Tank · Choose a size