You Should Probably Leave Now
“You were wonderful. Goodbye.”
Summoned to order in 2–5 business days · Tracked delivery to the US & Canada
Unholy Pair 10% off 2 · Unholy Trinity 20% off 3+ · applied automatically, no incantation required
The kindling is spent. Kindly go.
A warm storybook gathering, everyone smiling in the amber glow of a party that has clearly peaked. Cheeks are warm. The conversation has thinned. And one guest is realising, a beat too late, that the invitation had an expiry date, printed very small and possibly in blood.
The Adversary teaches that people are like candles on the altar: useful, lovely and replaceable the moment they burn down. You were charming, briefly. You were also kindling. Show them the door with the same smile you used to let them in. Hospitality has a closing time, and damnation does not do encores.
For hosts who start stacking chairs at 10:01 and call it a gentle hint.
The vessel · Unisex TeeThe gateway garment. Soft enough to fool the congregation, loud enough to get you uninvited from the next one. Cut for every body the Dark Lord ever claimed.
Fit & fabricthe vessel
Modern retail fit. Not boxy. True to size for most; size up for a roomier drape.
- 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton on solid colours (heathers are cotton-poly blends)
- Lightweight 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²)
- Ribbed crew neck, side seams, shoulder tape
- Tear-away label
- Blank: Bella+Canvas 3001. Printed to order, direct-to-garment or direct-to-film depending on the print partner.
Size chartmeasure twice, sin once
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | 5XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 16.541.9 | 18.045.7 | 20.050.8 | 22.055.9 | 24.061.0 | 26.066.0 | 28.071.1 | 30.076.2 | 32.081.3 |
| Body length | 27.068.6 | 28.071.1 | 29.073.7 | 30.076.2 | 31.078.7 | 32.081.3 | 33.083.8 | 34.086.4 | 35.088.9 |
| Sleeve length | 8.621.8 | 8.922.6 | 9.223.4 | 9.524.1 | 9.724.6 | 10.025.4 | 10.426.4 | 10.827.4 | 11.228.4 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
Delivery & returnsforgiveness sold separately
| To | Cost | Arrives |
|---|---|---|
| United States | US$4.95 · free on $65+ | 2–5 business days after printing |
| Canada | US$9.95 (shown in CAD) · free on US$90+ | 10–30 business days after printing |
Printing takes 2–5 business days. Nothing is made until you order it, so there are no returns for a change of heart or size. Forgiveness sold separately. Damaged, defective or wrong? Tell us within 30 days of delivery and we'll replace or refund it. Refund policy · Shipping policy
Careaftercare rites
- Machine wash cold (max 30°C / 90°F)
- Non-chlorine bleach only, as needed
- Tumble dry low
- Iron, steam or dry on medium heat
- Do not dry-clean
Blame Satan. Keep the shirt.
Wear it, tag it: #SatanMadeMeBuyItSame sin, different lesson · Wear your sins
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Size & fit
Measure twice. Sin once. Printed-to-order means no size swaps.
Unisex Tee · Bella+Canvas 3001
Modern retail fit. Not boxy. True to size for most; size up for a roomier drape.
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | 5XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Chest width (flat) | 16.541.9 | 18.045.7 | 20.050.8 | 22.055.9 | 24.061.0 | 26.066.0 | 28.071.1 | 30.076.2 | 32.081.3 |
| Body length | 27.068.6 | 28.071.1 | 29.073.7 | 30.076.2 | 31.078.7 | 32.081.3 | 33.083.8 | 34.086.4 | 35.088.9 |
| Sleeve length | 8.621.8 | 8.922.6 | 9.223.4 | 9.524.1 | 9.724.6 | 10.025.4 | 10.426.4 | 10.827.4 | 11.228.4 |
Measured flat on the garment. Allow up to about 1.5 in (3.8 cm) either way. Chest width × 2 ≈ full chest.
How to measure: lay your best-fitting shirt flat and measure straight across the chest, 1 in below the armpits, then from the highest point of the shoulder to the hem. Compare with the table. All size guides
Unisex Tee · Choose a size