Seven Red Flags You Should Probably Ignore Because They're Hot

Red flags are meant to be warnings. In theory, they protect us. In practice, most of us have spent years treating them less like stop signs and more like décor. A little red here, a little red there. It warms up the room.

Relationship experts will tell you to walk away the moment you spot one. Relationship experts, however, are not the ones sitting across from someone with that jawline and that laugh. The Editorial Department has compiled the seven most common red flags, explained why they are concerning and explained why, in the right lighting, you should probably ignore them anyway.

01They haven't spoken to any of their exes in years

Conventional wisdom says that someone with zero functioning relationships with former partners might be the common denominator. Conventional wisdom has never seen them in a leather jacket.

Consider the alternative interpretation: they are simply a person of strong boundaries. They close chapters cleanly. They do not linger. Every one of their exes was, by their account, "a lot," and it would be rude to doubt them on the second date. Besides, if they ever stop speaking to you, you will at least know it is part of a well-established pattern, and there is a certain comfort in consistency.

02Their phone is always face down

Some people will tell you that a phone permanently placed screen-down on a table is a sign of secrecy. We prefer to see it as a sign of presence. They are here, with you, in this moment. Whatever is lighting up the underside of that phone every ninety seconds is clearly not as important as you are.

If you are tempted to look, resist. Nothing good has ever come from reading someone else's phone, except information, and information is the enemy of a lovely evening. (For what happens when the evening gets too lovely, see our examination of guilt.)

03They describe themselves as "brutally honest"

Anyone who introduces themselves this way is, in our experience, about forty per cent honest and sixty per cent brutal. They will tell you your new haircut is "a choice." They will tell you your friends are "fine, I guess." They will never once tell you they were wrong, a skill covered in detail in our self-help programme.

But think of the time you will save. You will never again wonder what they think. You will know, immediately and in detail, usually in front of other people. In a world full of polite lies, there is something almost refreshing about a person who simply cannot read a room.

04They are "between things" professionally

Your new partner is not unemployed. They are pivoting. They are building something. They have an idea for an app and a friend who knows a guy. They have been between things for three years, and the things on either side appear to be getting further apart.

This is a red flag only if you value stability, and frankly, stability is overrated. Somebody has to believe in dreamers. It may as well be you, and it may as well be your credit card.

05Every one of their friends seems slightly afraid of them

You have noticed it at parties. The way conversations pause when they arrive. The way their friends laugh a beat too quickly at their jokes. The way someone always offers to get them a drink.

You could interpret this as fear. You could also interpret it as respect. Charisma is a powerful thing, and powerful things make people nervous. Simply make sure that you are always standing next to them, rather than across from them, and you will find it a very comfortable place to be.

06They have a nickname for you by the end of the first date

On one hand, this is moving very quickly. On the other hand, it is adorable. Nobody has called you "trouble" since secondary school, and it is nice to be seen.

The intensity will continue. There will be grand gestures, late-night calls and talk of a trip to Lisbon. Some say this is "love bombing." We say that bombing is a strong word, and that Lisbon is beautiful in the spring.

07Your friends have all, independently, said "Hmm"

This is the most serious red flag on the list, because your friends know you. They have seen you date before. They have helped you move out before. When they meet this person and say "Hmm" in that specific tone, with that specific pause, they are trying to save you from yourself.

Which is exactly why you should not tell them about the trip to Lisbon.

So what have we learned?

Absolutely nothing. That is the beauty of red flags. They are visible from a great distance, they are universally understood and almost nobody has ever been stopped by one. Like the warning on a pack of cigarettes or the terms and conditions on a free trial, they exist mainly so that later, when it all goes wrong, you can say you saw them. It is, as our research department has shown, how all the best stories start.

And you did see them. You saw every single one. You just thought they looked better on someone that hot.